


Head Over Heels For Moose

by Holy_Mother_Of_Winchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Basically hurt feelings all around, Bottom Sam, Conflicted Sam, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Holding Hands, Hurt Sam Winchester, Jealous Castiel, Jealous Dean Winchester, Love Confessions, M/M, Movie Dates, Oral Sex, Protective Castiel, Sex in the Impala, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-01-25 00:24:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1622336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holy_Mother_Of_Winchester/pseuds/Holy_Mother_Of_Winchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's in love with an angel and his older brother. They force him to choose between them, and the choice should be easy right? Wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Chapter where Sam gets felt up by an angel.

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy, guys. 
> 
> This here is a fic that came out of the blue (literally). There aren't very many Wincestiel fics that mainly revolve around Sam being in the middle, so I decided to write one. I promise I will try to update every week, when I'm not studying. I plan on this being a multichapter fic, so it might be a bumpy ride but it'll get done eventually. It's also un beta'd so if you see any thing that needs correcting please please let me know. Thankyou! 
> 
> The first few chapters will basically be all angst. But do not worry, I promise there will be smut. Both Sastiel and Wincest alike. Just warning you guys, I don't ship Destiel at all, so I probably wont put any Dean and Cas love in this, so I'm sorry for all you guys that do. 
> 
> Anyhoow, enjoy and I hope you can you be patient with me, and I hope this will be all worth it in the end. *fingers crossed* Happy reading!

Castiel had just kissed him. Well at least he thought that was what had just happened, but he wasn’t so sure yet.

“Am I dreaming?”

Castiel’s expression softened, “do you dream of me kissing you often?”

 _Yeah, a lot actually._ “Uh, no, I don’t think so.”

Hurt flickered in the angel’s blue eyes, “I see,” he turned to leave, “I will inform Dean that my attempt was unsuccessful.”

 _Oh I’m sure Dean would love to know the angel that he secretly has a hard-on for just kissed his baby brother. Hell, he might even throw a parade._ “Wait Cas,” he caught the angel’s arm, “why did you, uh, kiss me?” He cleared his throat, “I mean, like why _me?”_ He left the _and not Dean_ un-spoken but he thought the angel picked up on it anyway.

Castiel cocked his head to the side- an action Sam would normally find adorable, like you know if he was interested in Cas like that, which he totally wasn’t. “You seem surprised.”

Sam huffed out a laugh at that, “well yeah Cas, I kind of am.” He let his hand drop from Castiel’s forearm, “Is this some kind of experiment or something?” He tried to keep the hurt out of his voice, he really did. Seeing the confusion on the shorter man’s face, Sam felt the need to elaborate, “It’s just you haven’t really expressed any sort of”, he fumbled for a second, “interest.” Yes, that was good, not too intimate and not too cold either. “In me.”

After a few tense moments, Castiel stepped closer, a thin line drawn between his eyebrows, and rested his hand gently on Sam’s shoulder. “Is that what you wish for me to do Sam?” His fingers tightened their hold, “to show you how much I desire you?”

 _Wait what?_ “Wait, what?” He squeaked, loud enough that Dean could probably hear him on the other side of the god damned bunker.

Cas just smiled up at him, and moved the other hand that wasn’t creeping down Sam’s arm, _like seriously what the hell,_ to cradle his jaw. “I desire you Sam,” he stepped even closer, close enough to do a repeat of what had just happened a few minutes ago. _Was it a few minutes ago? It felt like eons._ “I hope you desire me as well.”

“I- I,” _smooth Winchester, Dean would be proud. Okay, so not the time to be thinking about Dean._ “You don’t know what you’re talking about Cas.” Which was true, Castiel may have been human for a while, but no way near long enough to actually understand the actual concept of true _human emotion_ let alone _desire._ “You’re just overwhelmed at the moment, I get it.” He really does.

Apparently Castiel had heard enough, “It is not I who is confused, Samuel Winchester,” he honest to god growled the words out. _Fuck, that’s hot._ He was so close, too close, and Sam needed to get away before he did something drastic, like fall on his knees and beg for Cas to just take him already. _Jesus Christ._ “You do not believe you could be desired,” _yeah really too close now,_ “could be loved.” Hands gripped his flannel over shirt and yanked him down, _hard,_ and he was suddenly brushing noses with an angel of the freaking Lord, well fallen angel of the freaking Lord.

“Do you seriously not know what you do to me, Samuel?” Castiel rested his forehead against Sam’s, inches apart so that they were breathing the same air. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you,” a jolt ran through Sam when lips finally, _oh god finally,_ touched his, and this time he wasn’t suffering from a heart attack, so Sam eagerly reciprocated. 

His hands found a spot on Castiel’s hips, and pulled the angel flush against him. If the angel was surprised by Sam’s sudden willingness he didn’t show it. Long fingers tugged at his hair and Sam titled his head back, exposing his neck, which was met with firmly planted kisses. “Beautiful”, Cas groaned, his lips seeking out Sam’s pulse point and sucked at it until he trembled.

_Holy fucking shit._

 Sam could feel his knees starting to buckle, so he pulled away from the extremely fucking _debauched_ angel, and was met with a warning growl in response. _Oh god, don’t stop doing that._ “Cas,” it came out as a moan so he tried harder, “Cas, we need to stop.”

With a groan, not of pleasure this time, Castiel pulled away. He looked absolutely _wrecked_. His lips were swollen and a glistening pink, his cheeks were bloody crimson, and his pupils were blown so much that Sam could only see a sliver of blue, and damn if that wasn’t the hottest thing he had seen in like _ever._

“I was not quite done yet, Sam.”

“Yeah, I know Cas, let me just,” yeah, so Sam had just noticed the obvious tent in Castiel’s trousers, and his dicked twitched painfully, where he was, _surprise surprise_ also hard, and that may or may not have damaged the idea of the whole we need to talk speech he had in mind, so instead he said, “you’re _hard_.” It came out tinged with such disbelief that Sam wanted to cringe, and then maybe jump off a building.

Castiel offered him one of his small knowing smiles, and slowly slid his gaze down Sam’s body until they stuck on his jeans, “as are you.” There was a strange smugness in his voice that Sam really needed to ask about, sometime later when he really didn’t need the use of both of his hands and a cold shower.

The angel stepped into Sam’s personal space again, and breathed against his ear, “Would you like me to help you with that, Samuel?”

 _Yeah, yeah I really would._ “Cas-“

“So I picked up a whole lotta nada from the vic, she seems to think- _Shit._ ” Sam swore he had never moved so fast in his life than when he did to pull away from Castiel’s grip. “What the fuck is going on?!”

 _Fuck I’m screwed._ Sam opened his mouth to explain, maybe even to probably laugh it off like some big joke and call out 'Hah, got ya!', like he did that one time his brother had found him jerking off in the Impala, and accidently called out his name, and of course he wouldn’t have done it if he had _known_ Dean was right fucking there, and about to have an amorism from his baby brother calling his name out in orgasm.

So it came as a surprise when Castiel was the first to speak. “Sam and I were participating in the acts that generally lead to intercourse-“

“Wait! No we weren’t.”

“and we would both appreciate it if you gave us some privacy to continue to do so,” the angel continued, without the slightest acknowledgment that he had been interrupted.

_Well isn’t this fucking perfect?_

Sam bit his lip hard enough to taste blood and risked a look at his brother. What he saw threw him back a couple of centuries. Dean was pissed, of _course_ he was pissed, but this wasn’t like that, oh no, Dean was really fucking _pissed._

“How dare you?” Dean snarled, his features twisted up in a feral sneer, Sam flinched and prepared for his brother’s onslaught, and nearly got blown away with shock when it wasn’t him Dean advanced on.

_What the hell?_

“I told you to wait. I told you I needed time to get it right.” The words were delivered with such venom that Sam wanted to go run and hide somewhere, and wait until it was over like he did when he was a kid, except this time it was Dean bursting with undulated fury and not his father. It was funny how things turned around like that.

Cas, seeming unfazed and slightly amused at Sam’s older brother’s reaction, cocked his head to the side. “No, I seem to recall you telling me to ‘back off, and let Sammy decide’.”

“Let me decide what?” Sam’s voice sounded like thunder through the room and he inwardly cringed.

It was Castiel that answered him, “Who you would choose to become romantically involved with,” he pursed his lips in thought, “and I suppose that includes psychically involved with too.”

Laughter enveloped the bunker and it took a few seconds for Sam to realise that it was his own. “Seriously, that’s what this was all about?” He gestured his hands around, “you guys are playing a trick on me?” If he wasn’t in such a hysterics he might have noticed the bewildered expressions that were fixated on him, but right now, not so much. He snorted loudly in amusement and stared down hard at his shoes, “hah hah, it was funny I give you that, it had me going for a while I’ll admit, but seriously you need to work on-“

“ _I love you_.”

It was enough to stop Sam cold, it was enough to freeze hell over. “What?”

Green eyes held his unwaveringly, “I love you. Always have I think.” His brother stepped closer, “I tried Sammy, I did,” Sam’s heart gave a little tug. “I always meant to tell you, I was going to before you left,” _me,_ the word was unspoken but Sam heard it all the same. “I was gonna wait,” he fixed the angel behind him with a dark glare, and shrugged his shoulders carelessly. “I guess now’s as good as time as any, hey?’ They all knew that it wasn’t really a question. “Just,” Dean bit his lip, but held Sam’s eyes, “tell me you do too.”

 _I can’t. I can’t. Oh god I can’t._ A thousand years of repressed feelings verged over the edge and Sam trembled with the beauty of it.

But beauty meant nothing to him anymore.

“I can’t.”

Pain and beautiful green eyes was the only thing he saw before he fled.


	2. The Chapter Where Sam Needs to Stop His Bitching and Get With the Program

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a short chapter today I'm afraid. I just couldn't find my muse. Anyway, enjoy.

The soft patter of rain on his bedroom roof soothed Sam and he closed his eyes, trying to calm the rapid whirlwinds of his mind.

 _Dean loves me. Dean_ loves _me._

He groaned and flopped down onto his bed, covering his eyes. _What the hell do I do now?_ He knew it wasn’t fair of him to hide away in his room and not face the real issue here. You know, the one that involves a fair bit of gay incest.

_Fuck._

Of course Sam could just pretend the big _problem_ had never happened. Could pretend that his big brother hadn’t just declared his everlasting love for him. Well he didn’t, not in as many words. Hell, Dean probably meant he loved Sam in a completely fraternal way, you know, the kind of love that came with years of protecting one person. Dean practically raised him, held him after his first hunt when he was scared and confused, picked him up from school, leaning on his baby with dark shades covering his eyes and a cigarette caught between his teeth. Dean was the man that meant everything to Sam, he was Sam’s _light._ The only god damned good thing left in this world.

There was no way Dean was as fucked up and _twisted_ as Sam was.

_And damn if that doesn’t hurt._

_Okay, time to man up Sammy. Stop being a pussy. You like talking right? Think everything ought to be thought out and planned before the get go? Then talk._ Only Sam didn’t want to.

He could blame Dean for this, yeah he could. It was his brother’s fault anyway, like who the hell springs that shit on somebody? It’s not exactly something you’d admit in the heat of the moment, it took months, _years,_ for Sam to even _consider_ thinking about his not exactly platonic feelings for his older brother and even after that he spent almost all of his time in Stanford facing the fiery pit of denial, which he only _almost_ forgot after he had met Jess.

Oh god, Jess. What would she say now? _She’d probably tell me to stop being so fucking stupid._ Sam snorted, _she’d ruffle my hair and tell me to stop bitching and cluck me on the chin. ‘God Sam, I swear that sometimes it feels like I have a girlfriend,’ she’d put her hands on her hips and look me square in the eyes, ‘now are you gonna show those bitches who’s boss, or are you gonna keep menstruating for the rest of your life?’_ And Sam would do it, he would’ve done anything for her.

_Just like I would Dean._

_Fuck._

Sam abruptly realised that he had started hyperventilating at some point and mentally scolded himself. _Now or never._ He stood on wobbly legs, _Jesus Christ,_ and took a few steps towards the door, gritted his teeth and walked out.

He only made it a few steps before Castiel materialised before him.

“Jesus, Cas!”

The angel looked up at him with an apologetic expression, before clearing his throat. _Here we go._

“Sam,” Cas started hesitantly, “I must-“

“Cas.” The angel closed his mouth, dropping what he was just about to say. “I need you to explain to me what the hell that was in there,” he pointed towards the library, “and I need you to tell me now.”

Castiel looked slightly taken aback, hell Sam was a little shocked himself, and quickly composed his features, his angel stare firmly back in place, and Sam would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel slightly relieved. “We need to talk.”

Sam nodded, “yeah, I gathered that Cas, thanks.”

Castiel shot him a look, telling him how much he appreciated the sarcasm. “I meant all of us. You, Dean and I.” A flash of nervousness light up the smaller man’s, creature, angel, _whatever_ features but was gone after a second, Sam could have easily imagined it. “We owe you an explanation.”

Sam bit back another witty retort and simply nodded his head, and followed as Cas beckoned him in the direction of Dean’s bedroom.

_Wait Dean’s bedroom?!_

_“_ Woah, hold up Cas,” he gripped the angel’s forearm and turned him around so that they were face to face, “where are we going?”

Blue eyes filled up with nervousness again, and the angel licked his lips. Which Sam totally did not find appealing, nuh huh, not at all. “Dean is in there.”

“Couldn’t we just-“ Sam bit his lip and frowned, “go somewhere mutual?” _You are ridiculous Winchester, it’s just a bedroom. What do you think once you set foot in there Dean’s going to start molesting you? Get a grip._

Cas’s nose wrinkled and his brow furrowed in confusion, “mutual?”

He sighed and shook his head, “don’t worry about it, lead on.”

After a few moments Castiel gave a small sound of acknowledgement and started once again in the direction of Sam’s upcoming doom. He called over his shoulder, “Dean wishes to speak to you, and I find myself in that position as well.”

 _Yeah me too._ “Yeah, okay, Cas.”

Once they reached the other end of the corridor to Dean’s door, Castiel stopped and touched Sam on the cheek lightly. His eyes turned gentle, and his mouth quirked into a small smile, “I will be fine with whatever you decide Sam.”

 _Who the hell says I’m gonna decide anything?_ His thoughts were interrupted by a small brush of lips on his, and he closed his eyes. Cas pulled away too soon, and Sam felt a stab of loss, but immediately felt relaxed as the angel ran his fingers through Sam’s long hair. Castiel gently pressed his mouth to Sam’s collarbone and whispered endearments that belonged in romance novels, rather than in the boy with the demon blood’s ear.

Sam felt a twinge of something, but he didn’t want to know what it was. He wasn’t ready for that just yet and he had a big brother to face after all. _Maybe later_. With that thought he pulled away from the angel’s fingers desperately tangled in his hair and placed a hand on Castiel’s sturdy chest, Sam found the feeling of soft cotton wrinkling under his fingers oddly soothing.Blue met hazel, and they nodded as one.

Sam watched as Cas’s hand knocked on Dean’s door, once, twice, and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

Sam looked up as the door opened and stared down hard at his brother. “You’ve got some explaining to do.”

 _Jess would be proud._  

 


	3. The Chapter Where Sam Sucks On His Brother's Tongue Like a Whore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title pretty much says it all me thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so you guys have probably realized by now that I suck at this whole writing thing. So i just wanna thank those of you that have actually stuck around and are looking forward to uploads, ya'll the reason that I'm going to continue updating this series. So If guys want me to keep going I will. I'm thinking of starting a new series revolving around prompts. So if you guys have any, email them to me at jellybabytime@gmail.com or if you wanna come be my writing buddy that's chill too. 
> 
> Okies, I've taken up enough of your time with my senseless chatter. Soo, enjoy and I will love you forever if you comment! *winks slyly*

Thinking that this discussion was awkward was an understatement. Because it was really _fucking_ awkward. Sure, Sam wasn’t expecting laughs and a few drinks to lighten the mood, but anything had to better than this.

For twenty minutes Sam has been sitting on Dean’s bed in silence watching Dean and Cas solemnly glare at each other, of course words had been exchanged, a hasty apology from Dean and a nervous explanation from the angel. But none of it was _clear,_ and that was enough to make Sam seethe in rage. If there was anything in this world that bothered Sam so much that he felt the need to punch something, it was _this._

“So,” he cleared his throat and waited for the two men to look at him. “You guys still haven’t really explained what is going on.” He held up a hand when he saw Dean open his mouth, “and I want the truth, no more lies,” he looked pointedly at his brother, who at least had the thought to look guilty. “And I want it from each of you.”

A few tense seconds passed and Sam held his breath. _Make it or break it time._

It was Dean who broke it first. “Yeah, uh,” he rubbed at the back of his neck, “guess it’s only fair.”

Sam arched an eyebrow, and hoped that he at least looked a little intimidating, and not like the jittery thirteen year old he felt like inside.

His brother licked at his bottom lip and took a deep breath. “It started when you were about fifteen,” he raised his eyes and locked them onto Sam’s own. Sam tried to repress the shiver that ran down his spine at the pure _honesty_ he saw there. “It was on a hunt. Back in Colorado, you remember it?”

 _As if I could forget._ Sam nodded. “Well after the poltergeist got the drop on dad, and I was thrown across the room.” That came out with a snort, and Sam couldn’t help the smile that pulled at his mouth. Dean looked outright _relieved_ because of it. “And you went all terminator on the sucker,” a tinge of pride overlayed Dean’s words, “and I was just frozen, watching you gank that son of a bitch.”

Dean took a step closer, and after a moment of hesitation kneeled in front of Sam. _Breathe Winchester, just breathe._ His eyes looked so god damned honest that Sam wanted to laugh in bewilderment, which he didn’t of course. Cause’ he was a grown man having an adult discussion with his big brother who would rather dip him himself in boiling oil than _talk_ , which was a big fucking flashing sign that Dean was serious. And a serious Dean meant a vulnerable Dean.

“You were so- you _are_ beautiful Sammy,” Sam just watched as the older man raised a hand, _oh sweet Jesus,_ and then apparently thinking better of it let it drop onto the bed. “I’m just sorry that it took so long for me to realise it.”  

Yeah, so Sam had been called beautiful before. A _lot_ now that he thought about it, usually by drunk women while he’s ordering drinks at a bar. ‘ _Oh hey baby, aren’t you a pretty little thing.’_ Sam really couldn’t blame them, heck all the attention was downright flattering, he would usually just laugh and shrug one of his shoulders and tell her as politely as he could that he wasn’t interested. He didn’t bother pointing out that he wasn’t exactly _little_ and twice the blondes, brunette, redhead, _whatever’s_ size.

Guys calling him pretty, well that was a different thing entirely. Sam grew outright shy when good looking dudes, (hey, he has a healthy libido, what of it?) would try to make a pass on him. He would blush like a fucking virgin and stammer out a hasty thanks with a compliment on their ‘ _manly bone structure’._ Yes, he had actually said that once, to a guy who may or may not have looked kind of like his brother, that had been flirting with him at the time and had burst out laughing and Sam wanted to kick himself so hard at how stupid he sounded. That was of course the moment that his brother had noticed to his _extreme_ embarrassment the display over at counter and promptly dropped the blonde that was practically riding his lap through the clothes they were wearing, and clapped Sam on the shoulder and pushed him out of the bar.

The belief that Dean had been _jealous_ hadn’t even crossed his mind. But now, he found himself second guessing every time his brother had dragged him away from a potential and very _male_ hook-up with a quick excuse about needing to get up early in the morning.

_What even is my life?_

Anyhow, of course his looks had been admired from near and far, hell Sam knew he was a good looking guy, he wasn’t ugly that was for sure. But hearing those words come from his brother’s mouth, made him feel all gooey inside. So he did what he had to do.

He kissed Dean.

All of the thoughts of the angel standing solemnly in the corner fled from his mind in a dash and all that was left was _Dean. Dean. Dean._

He felt his brother freeze for a second, and Sam hesitated, _too soon?_ But no, there it was. The first hesitant brush of tongue against his lower lip, and the feel of _absolutely fucking perfect_ lips sliding against his. Hands came around his waist and pulled him forward _hard_ , until his chest was flushed with Dean’s.

Dean, seeming to actually get with the program, opened his mouth and allowed Sam entrance. And _oh holy shit,_ was that so much better. A little desperate sound escaped from his older brother, and before Sam could even make a noise of his own hands started pulling at his hair, tipping it back so Dean could kiss down the curve of his neck. Teeth latched on to his collarbone, and Sam gasped.

His hands started running everywhere over his brother’s chest, and eventually found their way up his brother’s shirt. Dean shivered as Sam placed his cold hands over his pecs, Jesus just the feel of his brother was enough to send Sam over the edge.

It was pure _Heaven._

_Heaven. Heaven? Cas, shit!_

“Dean,” he breathed and tried his hardest to pull away. He really really didn’t want to. He wanted to keep doing this, preferably with no clothes on, yeah getting Dean naked was a really _good_ idea. “Stop,” Dean let go and he was finally able to break free of his brother’s grip, until he was standing and Dean was still on his knees on the floor. His cock twitched at the sight, where it was confined in his jeans, and just really really wanted to get out. No. No, Cas.

Sam forced himself to look away and towards the place where he had seen the angel last. Castiel wasn’t there. He must’ve missed the sound of wings when Cas left because he was too busy making out with his brother. _Making out with his godammed brother and_ liking _it._

“Cas?” It was a lame ass attempt and he knew it. The angel wasn’t here. And why would he be? He was just sucking on his brother’s tongue like a whore, even after Cas had pronounced heavenly devotion upon said whore. Well not really, but close.

And what had Sam done? He had thrown it back in the angel’s face and made out with another man- his own _brother-_ in front of him.

Fuck.

And the worst part about this? Sam still didn’t really know what the fuck was going on. Oh and yeah, he was _hard from kissing his older brother._

Fuck.


	4. The Chapter Where Sam Goes on A Date with an Angel of The Lord

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments guys, means a lot to me. I actually like to know that my work is appreciated and I just feel so god damn pleased that you guys have stuck with me through this. Ok noo more vulnerability *shudders* Ya'll enjoy now.

Cas came back to the bunker a few days later with the soft whoosh of his wings.

Sam jumped in shock and looked up from the very _riveting_ book he was reading about the ‘everyday lifestyle of the average were’ that Dean had dropped in his lap that morning. His brother hadn’t even so much as looked at him, yeah, Sam knew that the past days had been extremely tense, given the whole shunned love confession and all but the least Dean could have done was _look_ at him.

It seemed no matter how hard he tries, Samuel Winchester will always find a way to fuck things up.  

_What’s the point of even trying anymore?_

“Hello Sam.” It was the angel’s usual greeting, and Sam cringed. Huh, apparently he missed the intimacy Cas had shown him the _day_ Sam’s life had gone to hell. _Selfish prick._

Not wanting to scare the angel off with any pleading and begging until he was forgiven Sam simply nodded. “Castiel.”

He watched as the shorter man surveyed him up and down and frowned in confusion. “You have not participated in any coitus lately.”

Sam choked. _What the fuck._ “Uh, no Cas,” finding it hard to breathe he thumped himself on the chest twice, hoping to God that he didn’t look like such a moron while doing so. “I haven’t.” _Why are you offering?_ “Is that a,” he cleared his throat and tried to look composed, _I probably look constipated,_ ‘is that a problem?”

The angel looked kind of affronted at that, “no of course not.” He still had that adorable frown line between his brows and Sam’s stomach fluttered. Yeah, he was a godamned twelve year old girl and he didn’t give a fuck. “I just thought that you and Dean would have- I, uh, it seems I was mistaken. I’m sorry.”

_Dean and I would have what?_ Sam opened his mouth to ask and then he realized. Cas thought that Sam would have fucked his brother by now. _Oh so that’s why he hasn’t come back. He thought Dean and I would be going at it like rabbits._

Sam didn’t even have the strength to feel offended at the assumption that he would give it up just like that. To his _brother_ no less. Yeah, okay so maybe he was a little offended. Shut up.

“It isn’t like that Cas.” And it was the truth. It wasn’t that Sam didn’t want it to be like that, hell he’s thought of it often enough, even dreamt about it once or twice, or maybe a little more times than that but whatever. The point was that Sam wasn’t sure that he was ready for that next big step yet, god even that dog that used to shit on their lawn back in Kansas (Dean had told him the story, and completed ignored Sam when he asked how the hell he could remember that) knew that he and Dean had a bucket load of angst and repressed feelings to sort through before they even thought about fucking. And Sam sure as hell wasn’t prepared to be pummelled in the ass by his older brother until they had sorted those things out.

If they ever sorted those things out that is. _It would be a long time coming._ Sam barely contained a snort at the double entendre.

If Sam believed it, then Castiel _had_ to.

But according to the expression on his face he really didn’t. “That wasn’t what I saw.”

_Shit._ “Yeah, Cas, I wanted to apologize for that I was-“ he was interrupted by Cas’s gesturing hand.

“It doesn’t matter now Sam. I am relieved is all.” _That makes one of us._ “I just came here to ask you if you would like to have dinner with me tonight.”

It was Sam’s turn to frown. “Dinner?”

The angel turned a little red at the scrutiny and Sam hoped that it was from embarrassment. “Yes I read that taking the object of ones affections to dinner was a suitable option for a date." He cocked his head to one side, the only way an angel knew how, “was I wrong?”

“No, Cas you weren’t.” What kind of books does a fallen angel read anyway? Let alone one’s that talked about dating. He reminded himself to ask sometime.

Castiel, seeming pleased with the answer straightened and beamed up at Sam. _And here come those damn butterflies again._ “Good. Then Samuel Winchester will you do me the honour of allowing me your company for a banquet?’ _Danielle Steel, definitely Danielle Steel._

And what else could Sam do than say yes to an angel? It wasn’t like this time the world was at stake.

_No, just everyone else’s heart._

*

It turned out going on a date with an angel isn’t too bad at all.

Of course said angel didn’t eat the food in front of him, but Sam really couldn’t complain. More for him anyway.

There was a question Sam had been meaning to ask all night and after spending an embarrassing long time twirling his pasta around his fork he decided to go for it. “What brought this on?”

Cas, looking up from his own ravioli he had spent the night making his mission to cut into the smallest pieces possible sent him a dubious look. “Why do you think Sam?”

Sam shifted a little in his seat and lowered his eyes. He busied himself with his food. _Ball headed wimp._ He jumped slightly when slender fingers closed tightly around his grip on the fork. He literally felt like he had been punched in the gut when he looked up and Castiel’s eyes met his. _Blue. Just like the sea in Cali. “_ Do you really not know?”

Nervously biting his lip Sam shook his head. His eyes never leaving the blue of the sea. Not even once. He saw those blue irises turn sad, just for a _second_ , and then they returned to their normal determined state. “I should enlighten you then.”

_Yeah, that sounds nice._ After a moment of hesitation the fingers covering his knuckle white grip on the restaurants fork dropped and Sam bit back the stab of disappointment. Instead of letting it show he opted to place his fork back into his half eaten pasta bowl and wipe the spaghetti sauce smeared on his fingers on the napkin provided. After running out of things to do he pretended to be fascinated by the fish tank hanging on the wall by the counter.

Sam waited for about a minute before he couldn’t take the suffocating silence and braved himself enough to look up again. And what he saw made him jerk back.

Castiel’s eyes were gleaming. Not like they do when he smites the bad guys of course, because him taking out half of the restaurants patrons would have been _awkward,_ but actually god damned glowing. And they were looking at _Sam._ As if Sam the boy who ended the world, the boy who fucked and drank the blood of a demon was worth all of that _love_ flowing from the angel looking at him so gloriously, so religiously. That Sam was worth being loved.

Looking into those glorious orbs, Sam finally felt like it was true.

“Cas,” it was hoarse, and crap it sounded like he was about to cry. And maybe he was, no matter how ridiculous a six foot four Sasquatch breaking down into sobs would look in a room full of people. Cause’ damn if this wasn’t the first the time Sam had ever felt forgiven and he could cry if he felt like it. 

He realized that it was the first time in a long time that he had felt _whole._ It was like Castiel had stitched him together with just one _look_. And that was about the point of time that Sam realised that he was in love with an angel.

And he was loved by one as well.

So Sam said whatever a sane man would say in a situation like this.

“Your place or mine?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut smut smut in the next chapter. YAYAYYAYYAY my favourite.


	5. The Chapter Where Sam Get's Laid Number One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much what it says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY IT'S TAKEN ME SO LONG TO UPDATE. JUST UNI AND STUFF BLEG. 
> 
> So this here is my attempt at writing smut. *Snort* And yes, I know a few of you are a bit iffy on whether or not Sam is really in love with Dean or Cas (which you guys probably will think after this chapter) and the answer is yes. So I'll say without spoiling to much, Sam and Dean are soulmates, hell that's canon, and I've always felt that there was always more between them ever since the pilot. BUT I HAVE A WEAKNESS FOR SASTIEL IDK, cause it's totally cute and hot. I am planning on ending this fic on a happy note so bear with me and happy readings.

They didn’t even make it through the door of the motel room before Cas pushed Sam against it. Sam let out a little oomph at the contact, but it was smothered by the hard press of Castiel’s mouth.

Sam let himself be swept away by the kiss and opened his mouth to the angel’s wandering tongue. He felt like he had been squashed by a steamroller he was so turned on. _That wasn’t sexy at all Winchester._ Well fuck it, Sam wasn’t good at dirty talk anyway.

A leg presses in between his thighs and Sam spreads them until they’re leaning apart. He lets out a loud keening sound when the warm muscle starts rubbing against his dick through his jeans. Fuck.

“Castiel.”

The angel lets out a low chuckle that does wicked things to Sam’s imagination and brings his hands up to Sam’s hips. “Say it again.”

Woah, ok. “Castiel, Casti- _oh_ fuck.” He screamed as the angel apparently found an extremely stimulating spot under his right ear and fucking started nibbling on it. The fingers clinging to his hips dug in tighter and Sam gasped out and desperately clawed at Cas’s trench coat, cause getting naked right the fuck now was such a good idea.

“Off,” he pleaded and he might have whined a little but he couldn’t give a fuck. “Please Cas.”

It seemed he was more than happy to oblige. With a wave of his hand Sam felt a cold blast across his skin, which he probably would have felt even worse if he wasn’t glued to another man’s skin. Another man’s _naked_ skin.

Definitely worth the sacrifice.

Cas pulled away and ignored Sam’s protests with a smile. “I think it would be easier if we were on the bed for this, Sam.”

Oh yeah, yeah ok. Sam nodded once, and allowed himself to be led to the crisp white sheets of the motel bed, Cas’s hand firmly clasped in his.

It took a second for his lust crazed mind to realise that the palm in his was shaking, and about 0.5 milliseconds to feel ridiculously guilty. “Cas,” he halted the angel’s attempts to push him down onto the bed. “Hey, Cas, just listen to me for a sec.”

Castiel slowly looked down at him in his half sprawled position on the futon and Sam took the time to study his angel. _His_ angel. If there was one thing Sam never ever expected to own, it was an angel. Wait maybe that wasn't quite right, the one thing Sam never expected to _be_ was owned by an angel.

“Have I done something wrong?” It was tiny, and not a small amount of worry filled it and it gnawed on Sam’s heart.

He shook his head briskly and kneeled until he sat on his heels. He was almost eye level to Cas in that way. After a moment of hesitation Sam reached up and deliberately did not look down at the angel’s almost fully hard dick that was _right there_ and cupped Castiel’s cheeks with calloused skin. “No, Cas, god no,” he pointedly looked down at his own freed erection that was doing a happy bounce on his stomach as the blue eye’s fixed on it. “You couldn’t do anything wrong,” he licked his lips and furrowed his brow in thought. “It’s just,” he released Cas’s stubbled cheeks and held onto his quivering hands, “do you really want this?”

That was met with light, disbelieving laughter and a wide stare. “How can you ask that?” It was his turn to look down at the sparse hair between his legs and wait until Sam was game enough to follow.

 _Oh holy-_ Sam swallowed hard and looked away instantly. If he didn’t he probably would have done something stupid like take it until his mouth until the angel screamed his name. Yeah like he said, stupid.

But Castiel would have nothing of it and took the hunter’s chin and titled his head up until they were eye to eye. “Does it look like I don’t this, want _you_?”   

Sam shook his head, and blinked as a few strands of hair covered his eye. Cas laughed above him and brushed them away carefully. “I love you, Samuel.” It was said with such conviction that Sam felt tears billowing in his eyes. “And this,” he held up the hand not holding Sam’s chin, it was as still as ice now, “is only because I want to do my best to show you.” Castiel licked his lips and lowered his eyes until they rested on his mouth, “will you allow me to do so Sam?”

“Oh god yes,” they both surged towards each other, so it was impossible for Sam to tell who moved first. Their lips met and it seemed that everything fell into place.

Hands and mouths collided for what felt like a century, hell eons. Sam gasped as hands caressed down his chest, squeezing his nipples, and scratching at skin. And let nobody say that Sam didn’t give as good as he got. Every time the angel quivered and moaned underneath him Sam rejoiced in heavenly cheer. Every brush of Castiel’s lips against his felt like an awakening, like worship in its finest. But Sam needed more, to be joined body and soul to his angel.

“Cas,” he breathed after he pulled away from the tongue fucking his mouth like a god, “I need you- _gah-_ I need you inside me.”

The chest under his hands shook in revere and blue shone like a hymn. “Yes.” It was breathed out against Sam’s own lips, and Sam knew that he would never forget the taste of it. “Do you have…?”

It took a moment for Sam to catch on and no he didn’t have- “Shit, no.”

Cas’s head moved against his own. “It’s okay I think I know how we could,” he squirmed underneath him and Sam hastily rolled away. “Sam I need you to,” he gestured with his hands and Sam followed the movement blindly. Castiel rolled his eyes at Sam’s blank look, he looked so much like- _no Sam stop it. Don’t ruin it by thinking of him._

 _Yeah him, Sammy. What do you think he’s going to do when he finds out his little brother, who may or may not be his soul mate had fucked his best friend? Oh yeah his best friend that also happens to be an_ angel _no less?_

Oh god he should stop this.

“Sam?” Oh shit, he must have zoned out for a second there. He blinked and looked at the angel peering anxiously up at him. “Sam, is everything alright?”

No oh god. “Yeah,” he cleared his throat, “you were saying?”

Cas bit his lip, “have you changed-“

“-No!” It came out a bit too fast and Sam winced at Castiel’s shocked expression. “No. I still want this.” _Dean doesn’t have to know._ “I’m sorry, I’m just thinking you know?”

Castiel studied his face for an instant and then slowly nodded his head. “As I was saying,” he tongued his cheek, and Sam could feel the excitement welling up again at the image, “I might be able to use my mojo-“ _Dean. Dean. Dean. “_ To make you, uh, well,” the angel blushed and Sam bit his gum to keep a straight face. “To make you well lubricated for entry.”

Sam couldn't stop the laughter this time and after a second Cas joined in. After they had regained themselves enough to look at each other without bursting into hysterical giggles like teenage girls, Sam took the initiative to lay back down and spread his legs in invitation. He heard a slight catch in Castiel’s breath and he looked up slyly, hoping to look seductive, and judging by the look on the angel’s face he had succeeded quite well. “Well what are you waiting for oh great and mighty sex god?” He wiggled around until he was comfortable, bending his long legs outwards, knowing his entrance was on display. “Lube ‘em up.”

The urgency from before came back in a flash and Sam was suddenly bombarded with an armful of horny angel and a tongue tracing the ridges of his teeth. And by god was it good.

Fingers traced his hole and Sam shivered in anticipation. After a quick warning from the angel above him two fingers pressed in sharply and easily. Sam shouted into Castiel’s mouth at the sudden fullness.

It went on for eternity by the time Sam was deemed ready by his angel.

Sam would never forget how it felt when Cas finally sank into him, the rightness of their joining.

An angel of the lord and the boy with the demon blood made love under the thin and corrupt sheen of wrong intentions and selfishness that night. For Castiel the stars aligned and the heavenly host sang in blessing. He knew while he rocked slowly into the beautiful boy underneath him that what he had in this motel room on this night was everything. This was his heaven.       

And Sam well, if he was sometimes picturing green as he stared into blue it wasn't anyone’s business but his own.


End file.
